Tuesday, May 6, 2014

"Dream A Little Bigger Darlin'"

         Unpacking. Pulling out a suitcase and sorting books and clothes-dirty or  clean, winter  or summer. It’s the story of a college student. It’s the story of a missionary. Packing and unpacking.  As I settle into my home for the summer with piles of boxes on my other bed still and job searching I remember the decision I made for this summer: I will be where I’m at.
          I’m not really good at that: being where I’m at. Oh I complain when people bring cameras for future memories, but there’s always a notebook tucked into my purse to capture a moment. When I was little there was always somewhere else to be. When I was older I either had my nose stuck in a book or brain flying somewhere in a cloud of fantasy. But see, that’s the problem, my brain stayed in the clouds and it didn't learn how to guard my heart against the cold of reality; reality is like the weather, and you have to be ready for winter. The reality is that I’m not a very good writer. The reality is that change will come, no matter how hard you fight it. The reality is that life doesn't always go our way. These realities all knocked me off my feet because sometimes you have to wear a coat in winter.
            I hated winter in 2012, it was cold and windy and you couldn't be outside. But then in 2014 I had a class called “Winter Field Ecology” where I spent hours bundled up with wool socks, wool hat and two or three layers of pants, crunching through snow on snowshoes. Let’s just say I fell in love with winter. I had learned to face the cold. I’m learning to do that too with dreaming. I can’t hole my heart away in a house. Yeah, reality hurts but I can’t stop dreaming: I’ll miss the snowflakes landing on the branches of a white Pine. It’s time to put on my coat.